Marc’s GChat Status Expanded

Your Moron of the Week: Northern Trust Bank

As I sit here listening to LMFAO’s “I’m in Miami, Bitch!” (exclamation point being part of the song title, not added by me for extra enthusiasm), wishing for the song title to also be my Facebook status and Twitter feed, I can think of only one thing….

A bunch of morons are running Northern Trust Bank.

I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment of the readers who selected Northern Trust Bank as last week’s Moron of the Week. The audacity required to spend millions on lavish parties after receiving $1.6 billion in federal bailout money (regardless of whether or not you asked for the money) is beyond comprehension.

So, congratulations Northern Trust Bank!!

Rather than just sitting there, accepting your money, and not doing anything completely stupid, you decided to sponsor a PGA Golf tournament and rent out exclusive clubs and bars for parties featuring 5 star celebrity music artists.

Two thumbs up!

In the worst economic climate seen in decades, it is so nice to have these all to common reminders that some of us are doing just fine, thanks! I am also happy to know that whatever money was spent on said lavish parties represents only a small portion of the money that me and my fellow tax payers are sending your way.

I’m assuming my invite to the Sheryl Crow concert got lost in the mail.

I’m having trouble deciding if this display of wealth is more or less moronic than the automaker CEOs traveling to their Congressional hearings in private jets. Right now I’m putting it just ahead of it, and here is the reason why:

You know that episode of South Park where the kids buy ninja weapons at the fair and stage battles against each other, except Kenny accidentally throws his ninja star for real, right into Butters’ eye? And then they dress up Butters like a dog to take him to the vet because they don’t want the hospital asking questions about what happened because they’ll get grounded? But then Butters wanders off, ends up at a hospital, is mistaken for a dog by the doctors, and is taken to a dog pound?

And remember how they throw him in one of the cages with the other dogs?

The American tax payer is Butters with a ninja star in his eye withering in pain on the floor of the cage. The automaker CEOs are the dog that pees on Butters in the cage. And you, Northern Trust Bank, you are the dog that poops on Butters right afterwards?

Why, because you just saw the Dog pee on Butters, and you should have freaking known better!

So heres to you, Northern Trust Bank, for thinking that any bank at all worldwide should be able to do the sort of things you decided to do while running up an 8 figure bill. Nicely done. And no, it doesn’t matter that you’re going to return the bail out money. You’re like a kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Sure you’re returning the cookie, but you would have eaten that shit in 5 seconds if no one caught you. And no, it doesn’t matter that you used none of the bail out money to fund the parties and such. The general frame of mind when experts say “the banks need help” is that the banks don’t have money to spend on the House of Blues, or Earth, Wind, and Fire.

Hopefully you lock things up and realize what is and isn’t appropriate in these economic times. In the mean time, show your employees the Moron of the Week certificate. They may like that even better than the fancy cars you drove them from party to party in.

Stay tuned for this week’s nominations.


March 4, 2009 - Posted by | Moron of the Week | ,

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