Marc’s GChat Status Expanded

A Question About Aliens

Last night while watching TV with my girlfriend, I posed the following question to her:

If a group of aliens busted into my apartment and said they were going to abduct me, but that I would be returned in exactly one year completely unharmed, would you wait for me?

I was expecting a simple “yes” to which I would smile and move on with my life, instead, she was decidedly more noncommittal:

I mean….I don’t know…but I would definitely take care of your cat, and probably get outrageously drunk on wine by myself.

As heartwarming as it was to know that my cat would be taken care of in my absence, I was a little confused about why I couldn’t rely on her to be around when I came back. She reasoned;

I don’t trust aliens. How do I know they wouldn’t harm you? Plus I’ll just send some zombie birds to rescue you.

I decided to leave the argument about how zombie birds could never defeat aliens for another day.

Now granted, one could say that taking care of my cat and getting drunk on wine alone constitutes “waiting” for me, but I was still expecting a more ringing endorsement of our relationship in the face of aliens abducting me for one year.  Plus, if she really doesn’t trust the aliens and was concerned that they would go back on their words and hurt me, wouldn’t I need her more when I was finally returned?

Am I wrong to here?



February 18, 2011 Posted by | Nonsense | , | 1 Comment

An Issue with Evites

One of the ways you know you are getting old is when friends start to make fun of you for using Facebook invite instead of Evite. I’m not sure when the internets decided that it was juvenile to send Facebook invites. I mean, only one out of every seven human beings in the world uses Facebook, and most of them on a regular basis, so I can see why some people would relate using Facebook invites to attending college night at McFaddens.

Generally Evite is reliable and easy to use, but I do have one issue that I think makes Facebook invite superior.

When I receive a Facebook invite I get an email saying, “Joe Smith has invited you to MY 24th BIRTHDAY PARTY!” Most excellent, Joe!. I know exactly who you are because your first and last name is listed, and I can decide very easily whether or not I want to go to your birthday party.

When I receive an Evite, usually one of two things happen:

1) The sender is something like “Jason, Steve, and Robert” Off the top of my head I could probably name 20 people I know named Jason, Steve, and/or Robert. Most of them know each other. Do I know all three of the people who have invited me to their event? Am I supposed to know which of the six Steves I am friends with sent this to me? Is it going to be really awkward if I think it’s “really good friend Jason”, but it turns out it’s “we did a project together in college and I accidentally sent the evite out to all of my Gmail contacts……but thanks for coming….” Jason?

2) The sender is something like, “Gucci” or “DJ Tone Loc” or “Mike Tyson.” Clearly a nick name and equally clearly not one that everyone on the invite list is familiar with. I would suggest not using a nickname unless all of the following apply:

A) The only people who call you by your real name are significant others or family
B) You can reliably say that more people have you listed in their phone by your nickname than by your real name
C) When out with friends, you are introduced like this; “This is my friend (real name) but most people call him (nick name).”

If that doesn’t apply, please use your real name, because I am not going to go on a grail quest to figure out the story behind the nick name that will allow me to determine who you are.

There is one simple solution if you disagree with me on either of these points. If your name is one of the top 100 most common names in existence, or you insist on using a nick name that only three people are familiar with, make sure your Evite profile is filled out with your last name.

February 18, 2011 Posted by | Nonsense | , , | Leave a comment