Marc’s GChat Status Expanded

Your Moron of the Week: Northern Trust Bank

As I sit here listening to LMFAO’s “I’m in Miami, Bitch!” (exclamation point being part of the song title, not added by me for extra enthusiasm), wishing for the song title to also be my Facebook status and Twitter feed, I can think of only one thing….

A bunch of morons are running Northern Trust Bank.

I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment of the readers who selected Northern Trust Bank as last week’s Moron of the Week. The audacity required to spend millions on lavish parties after receiving $1.6 billion in federal bailout money (regardless of whether or not you asked for the money) is beyond comprehension.

So, congratulations Northern Trust Bank!!

Rather than just sitting there, accepting your money, and not doing anything completely stupid, you decided to sponsor a PGA Golf tournament and rent out exclusive clubs and bars for parties featuring 5 star celebrity music artists.

Two thumbs up!

In the worst economic climate seen in decades, it is so nice to have these all to common reminders that some of us are doing just fine, thanks! I am also happy to know that whatever money was spent on said lavish parties represents only a small portion of the money that me and my fellow tax payers are sending your way.

I’m assuming my invite to the Sheryl Crow concert got lost in the mail.

I’m having trouble deciding if this display of wealth is more or less moronic than the automaker CEOs traveling to their Congressional hearings in private jets. Right now I’m putting it just ahead of it, and here is the reason why:

You know that episode of South Park where the kids buy ninja weapons at the fair and stage battles against each other, except Kenny accidentally throws his ninja star for real, right into Butters’ eye? And then they dress up Butters like a dog to take him to the vet because they don’t want the hospital asking questions about what happened because they’ll get grounded? But then Butters wanders off, ends up at a hospital, is mistaken for a dog by the doctors, and is taken to a dog pound?

And remember how they throw him in one of the cages with the other dogs?

The American tax payer is Butters with a ninja star in his eye withering in pain on the floor of the cage. The automaker CEOs are the dog that pees on Butters in the cage. And you, Northern Trust Bank, you are the dog that poops on Butters right afterwards?

Why, because you just saw the Dog pee on Butters, and you should have freaking known better!

So heres to you, Northern Trust Bank, for thinking that any bank at all worldwide should be able to do the sort of things you decided to do while running up an 8 figure bill. Nicely done. And no, it doesn’t matter that you’re going to return the bail out money. You’re like a kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Sure you’re returning the cookie, but you would have eaten that shit in 5 seconds if no one caught you. And no, it doesn’t matter that you used none of the bail out money to fund the parties and such. The general frame of mind when experts say “the banks need help” is that the banks don’t have money to spend on the House of Blues, or Earth, Wind, and Fire.

Hopefully you lock things up and realize what is and isn’t appropriate in these economic times. In the mean time, show your employees the Moron of the Week certificate. They may like that even better than the fancy cars you drove them from party to party in.

Stay tuned for this week’s nominations.

March 4, 2009 Posted by | Moron of the Week | , | Leave a comment

Moron of the Week Nominees

We are really behind on Moron of the Week. So rather than spend a ton of time delving into the finer details of why they are deserving of a nomination, I’m going to try to roll through them quickly so we can start the voting. There aren’t a whole lot of nominees who require explanation.

Senator Jim Bunning

For predicting that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be dead from cancer in nine months. Sure, recovering from pacreatic cancer is difficult, but it’s not like this was a passing comment. It was said while he was discussing conservative judges:

…Bunning said he supports conservative judges “and that’s going to be in place very shortly because Ruth Bader Ginsburg … has cancer.”

“Bad cancer. The kind that you don’t get better from,” he told a crowd of about 100 at the old State Theater.

“Even though she was operated on, usually, nine months is the longest that anybody would live after (being diagnosed) with pancreatic cancer,” he said.

Ass. You stay classy Jim Bunning. Sure you’ve since apologized, but does that really excuse bringing to light someone’s chances of dying for political purposes? I don’t think so. But hey! Doing that certainly does make you a perfect nominee for Moron of the Week.

Northern Trust Bank

List of things not to do if you are a bank that just received $1.6 million in bailout money:

1) Do not sponsor PGA Golf events. Fail:

As for the golf tournament, a rep from the PGA told us Northern Trust wrote one big fat check in order to sponsor the event. That check covers part of the $6.3 million purse, the advertising costs for the spots on CBS (which broadcast the final two rounds of the tournament) and operating costs.

2) Do not fly hundreds of clients and employees to L.A., put them up at the Beverly Wilshire, the Bev Hills, the Ritz Carlton, and the Casa Del Mar. Then host three days of lush parties with bands such as Chicago, Earth, Wind and Fire, and Sheryl Crow performing. Fail:

As for what all that costs: Well, the company isn’t talking. We spoke with a rep from the band Chicago who said Northern Trust paid them around $100,000. A House of Blues source told us it cost more than $50,000 to close the joint down last Saturday night. As for Sheryl Crow’s fee, her rep didn’t get back to us. Earth, Wind & Fire acknowledges payment but won’t say how much.

3) Do not try to weasel your way out of scrutiny by saying it was not bailout money that paid for it, because obviously money is money. Fail:

Northern Trust gave us a statement yesterday before going total radio silence. A rep for the bank acknowledges they paid for the events, but that the bailout money did not pay for the events.

4) Do not get nominated for Moron of the Week. Fail.

Washington DC Metro Board Members

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For not riding the Metro themselves:

Half of Metro’s 12 board members, including Chairman Jim Graham, do not regularly ride the train or bus system they oversee. And even as members say they need to trim expenses and boost revenue, several haven’t paid their parking fees at Metro headquarters for at least 2 1/2 years.

Which makes them perfect for the job. Ugh.

For the nine years he has served on the board, Graham, a D.C. Council member representing Ward 1, has not regularly taken the bus or subway. Now that he’s chairman of the Metro board, he said he is climbing aboard.

“I’m going to become a more regular rider,” Graham said. “On a weekly basis, I will be found on the bus.

Ohhh, well how considerate of you after nine freaking years! Moron.

Jim Bowden

The General Manager for the lowly Washington Nationals. My coworker and Nats Blogger Kristen explains why:

First, one of his highly touted prospects turned out to be four years older than the team originally thought (with a fake name). Then Sports Illustrated reported that Bowden is indeed the subject of an investigation by the FBI into skimming prospects in the Dominican out of their signing bonuses, dating back to 1994. Bowden claims that he’s innocent, but he’s been effectively silenced by the Nationals Front Office and one of his right-hand men, Jose Rijo, was fired by the franchise today. As rumors continue to swirl about who his successor will be, Jim hasn’t yet stepped down from his duties and allowed the Nationals to move forward with their 2009 season.

Good enough for me. Moron of the Week.

Aaannnd you know the deal. Vote in the poll on the side bar. Voting closes tomorrow night.

February 26, 2009 Posted by | Moron of the Week | , , , , | 1 Comment

Hot Bit of a Delay on the First Post of the Day

I got a project at work, and as such the Nominees and voting for Moron of the Week that I thought would be up and start this morning will actually go up this afternoon.

However, my thoughts on Top Chef will be up in an hour and a half or so.

In the mean time, Head over to this kid’s Youtube Channel and watch every video he has made and try not to laugh.

My buddy Mike sent me this one:

I think it’s the best video on the channel.

February 26, 2009 Posted by | Moron of the Week | , | 3 Comments